Whenever I happen to mention to my folks that I’m trying to come up with a column for Our Town, my mom always tosses out a couple of ideas. Unfortunately, I usually toss them right back. It’s not that they aren’t good; it’s just that I find it hard to write “to a prompt,” as they call it in FCAT testing. Seems to me that you’ve got to have already some thoughts percolating on a topic in order to turn out a decent composition.
But this month, Mom had an idea that struck a chord with me. “Why don’t write about how “Computer” has changed your life?” she asked. (This is how my mother refers to technology. It’s not “the computer” or “computers” — it’s “Computer” with a capital C. “Computer” is her enemy, though she puts hers to good use in spite of her distaste. I admire this…but I digress.)
I started to reject her idea, thinking that I didn’t have any new angle on how computers have changed the way we all do so many things: shopping, banking, travel planning, news-reading, etc. But then I realized that “Computer” has affected me, Sandy Bailey Lipten, in a particular and personal way. The personal computer — specifically, its e-mail function — has allowed me to have friends.
It’s not that I ever had trouble making friends. But keeping them, well, that’s been really, really hard for me since I got married and had kids. During the years when we ran a home-based business, home-schooled our two kids, and lived next door to my brother and to my parents, I was almost never alone. This was a taxing situation for a person who needs much solitude. Interpersonally maxed out, I started to shrink from visits, parties, even telephone conversations. The phone would ring and I would cringe. Friendships foundered and fizzled.
But e-mail saved me! Because e-mail causes no stress. It doesn’t drain your energy. E-mail waits for you, and it’s there when you need it. And so, over the last few years, I have been able to stay close to a small circle of friends whom I rarely see or talk to on the phone. In fact, I have a couple of friends from my yearly writing retreats with whom I have never talked on the phone! In-person socializing may happen only monthly, quarterly or even annually, but our connection doesn’t falter. And thanks to unlimited storage at yahoo.com, I have a written archive of these years of our lives, the often-lost details of everyday events and emotions.
Some may say that this reliance on online contact is an unhealthy sign, an unraveling of our social fabric. They may be right. I can’t say for sure that e-mail friendships are a good thing for society. But they’ve certainly been good for me during this family-intensive years. And as things become quieter around the house (which is already happening as our kids become young adults), my friendships will be fit to withstand a shift back to what the text-messaging generation calls F2F — face to face. And I will welcome that time, because in spite of all its benefits, “Computer” is just no darned good at hugs.
As always, thanks for reading Our Town — and drop us an e-mail anytime!
By Sandy Bailey Lipten