You might want to read this if you are really a dog person, and you are wondering what happened with Toby. I wouldn’t inflict this on anyone else! Warning: it’s sad.
We’re still guessing about exactly what went wrong with Toby. The most likely thing is that a bone in his spine, hip or pelvis was weakened from osteosarcoma, a common greyhound bone cancer, and that this bone suddenly fractured. (This kind of break is called a pathological fracture.)
Then, the drug that was supposed to anesthetize and sedate him turned out to be one that sometimes causes terrible agitation and seizures, particularly in greyhounds. The combination of his uncontrollable movement and his excruciating pain that was provoked by any movement – well, I never want to witness another creature suffering so. I’ll say no more, because you wouldn’t be able to forget it if I tell you.
Here’s what I wish I’d done before all this came to pass.
1. I wish I’d had a disaster evacuation plan — specifically, a plan for getting Toby out of the house if he couldn’t walk. When you live in a split-level house on a little hill, with stairs every which way, and you have an almost 90-pound dog…well, we should have planned ahead. In an emergency, it’s so hard to think about what can be a “stretcher” for a dog.
2. I wish we’d established a relationship with a vet who made house calls, who would take an emergency call in the middle of the night, and who would get to know us enough to trust that we wouldn’t call unless it was a true emergency. (I’m finding out, now that I am mentioning this to people, that there are such vets!)
3. I wish I’d educated myself, as Toby grew older, about common greyhound problems, both the sicknesses and the treatments with their possible ill effects. When the seizures started from the ACE Promezine, I would have known what they were. This knowledge would have allowed me to communicate more effectively with the all-night vet clinic. I never want to be silenced by ignorance again.
4. I wish I’d been more sensitive to what I now realize were signs of pain in Toby’s last few weeks. He’d always been a quirky and amusing dog, and honestly, I thought the changes in his behavior were just new quirks developing with age. I realize now that he was in pain. Darn it! Oh, I would have given him a softer bed, and not been annoyed when he wanted company in the middle of the night. I just didn’t get it. Next time, I will.
5. I wish I’d taken videos of this dog’s crazy antics. Oh, he was such a character! We don’t have anything on video. It seemed like we had a lot more years left to do that. We’ll always have the memories, but I know they’ll fade. Again, darn it!
Actually, there are six things, not five. I wish I’d taken him out to run free more often. Being a greyhound, Toby was literally born to run, but he hadn’t done it much in the last few years. He was badly bitten at the dog park once, so we avoided it. Now, I wish I’d worked harder to find a place where he could really open it up, all that greyhound joy and legginess and muscle, and revel in his full natural gift for speed.
I like to think that in some realm, somehow, Toby’s running now.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for sharing. I think anybody who’s had a pet would sympathize and see some familiar experiences in this column. You shouldn’t beat yourself up too much: you probably did a lot more things right that you don’t mention here!
Thanks for your kind words. I do have a lot of guilt, so maybe I’ll write another column here about 5 Things I Did Right to Give My Dog a Wonderful Life. Thanks for reading. –Sandy
I am so sorry for your loss, Sandy. My eyes are filled with tears because I felt the gravity of pain & regret behind your words as I read them. Toby is most definitely running free and enjoying his new youthful spirit right now – and he holds only love & gratitude in his heart for you. I think it’s just human nature for us to feel a sense of guilt over all we think we did wrong, or should’ve done differently, when we lose someone we dearly love. No words can really ease those feelings of regret when they are still so raw – only time can do that. Know, without doubt, that Toby loves you for rescuing him and giving him a beautiful life filled with love! And you gave him the most selfless gift of all when you knew it was time to let go. His spirit will always be near you. You just have to look and listen for him with your heart, now, instead of with your eyes and ears. May healing light enfold you during this sad time.
Kim, thank you so much for reading and for your kind comment. I am guessing you have been through something like this yourself or you couldn’t express it so well. My husband and I both got teary-eyed when we read your words, especially about looking and listening for Toby with our hearts. That’s exactly what we’ve been feeling. Again, thanks. –Sandy
My heartfelt sympathy & prayers go out to you. I could feel your pain in reading your story. It is never an easy thing to lose a pet…they are family!
I read every edition of Our Town and want to express my sincere sympathy to you and your family. Our dogs are such a precious gift in our lives and we are so fortunate to have them. We lost our 13 year old dog in April and our hearts are like yours, broken. In hindsight we are always able to think of what we could have done better. We do the best we can with what we know at the time. From your column, it’s easy to see how much Toby was loved. I do believe our dogs are in heaven and that we will see them again. After all, it wouldn’t be heavenly without them. I do hope that time will help ease your pain. I guess we are only human and some days are harder than others. I imagine Toby was very grateful for the love you shared.
Diane, I love what you said about dogs being in heaven — you’re right, it SO wouldn’t be heaven without them! And yes, Toby was grateful, I think! I’m sorry about your dog, too. Who knew these critters could get so deeply into our hearts? Thanks for writing (and for reading!). –Sandy
They are family! And I really hadn’t realized it before this. Thank you so much for reading and for writing and for your sympathy. We have just started looking at black greyhounds and thinking about adding a new family member…which of course I’ll write about! Thanks again, Lisa. –sandy